Lessons learnt from How to win friends and influence people
I recently completed “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and oh my god, what a change in perspective I have now. You have no idea how even little efforts can change your image in the eyes of others.
Don’t criticise or condemn anyone. It’s far better (from a selfish POV and profitable as well) to fix your habits and condition first. If you really want to express something about someone, praise them for their good habits rather than pointing out the bad ones. If things are that bad between you and the other person that you don’t even want to talk then write all your frustration and complaints down and forget about it.
The big secret of dealing with people is real good appreciation and finding good about them rather than digging for flaws. We can do anything for our families so that they are not hungry, but the universal craving for appreciation gets hidden somewhere unnoticed.
If you really want to make someone do something, Instead of telling them how is it going to impact or profit you, tell them how it will benefit them. The core condition being it should be mutually beneficial.
Be genuinely interested in people. There’s no point in assuming that people are interested in you. No-one interested in anyone else apart from themselves. So if you truly want to be someone’s friend then show genuine interest.
Carry a smile when meeting/greeting someone. That’s the best first impression anyone can create on anybody. It shows that you are really glad to see/interact with that person.
This one might be obvious, but really tough (at least for me 🥹), bring this into habit to remember people’s names. Only and the most pleasant word for a person is their own name. People like hearing their names, so it can bring a lot to the table if we follow this wisely.
Be a really really good and empathetic listener. Instead of listening what the other person is saying, most of the folks tend to think on the back of their heads that “What to say next?“ leading to lost focus and a disconnect from the conversation. Most of the people just want to get listened to rather than needing advice or sympathy or anything like that.
Before interacting with anyone, if you know or can know what they are or might be interested in, do a bit of studying around that if you don’t already know and talk to the person about their interests first and foremost, it makes you instantly likeable.
Make the other person feel genuinely important and being listened to.
Avoid unnecessary arguments, struggling through the unnecessary arguments is nothing more than pure waste of your energy and in most of the cases reputation as well. At the end of the day, you should have as many happy people around you as possible.
Never tell anyone that they’re wrong directly, deal with the situation diplomatically. If all goes well they’ll accept it themselves.
If you know you’re wrong, admit it ASAP and don’t let or wait for someone else to point it out.
Start every conversation in a friendly way, even the tough ones like raising a grievance. Even the toughest people can be melted like this.
Start the conversation in such a way which makes other person respond in Yes’es. Once through the initial opening conversation you get a couple of yeses, the probability of other person agreeing with you will be really high as it is psychologically easier for anyone to end a conversation in a affirmative direction if most of it was positive.
Let the other person do most of the talking, or else when you are boasting or speaking they will either be (not everyone but a few for sure) becoming jealous of you or they might start thinking in their brains whatever they wanted to tell you about, not paying attention to even a single bit you said.
Whenever you are selling or convincing someone for something, never try to push your ideas down their throats. Instead converse wisely in such a way which makes feel the other person that the idea is theirs.
Praise before you point out someone’s errors. It’s psychologically more probable that the person would listen to their faults or failures after hearing some genuine praise about them.
